The lack of posts does not indicate a lapse in your presence within me. I had hoped it would, but your existence still disturbs my days, my nights- it's just that it doesn't add up to a memory that can be recorded here.


Instead, the struggle is this: i hate you and want you to leave me spiritually, like you have left me in every other way, but in that wish is trepidation of what i will do when you're gone.

You are not worth this much energy- i wasted 11 years on you and hoped i would not a second more.