Our lovely, rainy honeymoon. While part of me regretted not being able to explore the island more, most of me enjoyed being hidden away with you in the old beach house, watching rain run down the round window in the bedroom, overlooking the balcony.


Now, there are ghosts at ever turn, and the rain isn't at all magical. It's a time machine returning me to the most painful of memories.

Any love I had for Martha's Vineyard dissipated with this trip. Where I once browsed shops, wondering if you would like this



or hate this




In the end, my mind catches up with the present, and it reminds me none too gently that it no longer matters what you like or don't like.

rabid thy

Today shouldn't mean anything, but it does; it is forever etched in my memory as the day you came into the world and I was the lucky one you chose to marry... first? Over the years, Too many times to count, I imagined what you must have been like as a baby, a little girl. I watch the Land & Sea and wonder if any of their movements are yours from years ago.

Today was worse to bear than our wedding anniversary. And it bothers me with such depth why you mean so much to me, and why I wasn't the same for you.

It will leave some day, hopefully soon, but I learned months ago that it cannot be forced....it must leave at its own pace.

I cannot recall my favorite birthday of yours... I fear that it is because I failed to make them special. I must have done something good?


.....and I have lost some kindness.