August 14, 2001

We went to the hospital in the middle of the night when your contractions intensified. They hooked you up to machines and then told you to have a good night.

I slept in a couch that was not very comfortable... and listened to you breathe all night (I always felt like you were breathing in the dark and I could only listen, with love). I kept wondering what she would look like when she came out of you.

And I was in awe of the love for her in you.

the core

I know the complications that have lead us here. I have wallowed in their juices and dined on their feast.

Still, it comes down to a warm day in June, when I saw how pretty you can be while talking, while smiling, as you stood legs askew and asked me what is beautiful. It all comes down to that blond haired woman who laughed consciously as she spoke, and drew me in with her eyes.

I wanted to know those eyes forever.

for amelia 11/7/08

when i am no one, i see that you are everything.

the red pulse of your lips and the night striations of your eyes
have nothing to do with me.

as they lay, wounds on your body, i contemplate what dies
within you,
and even as your flesh stretches taut like pink webbing
cannot deny the life that changes inside the cocoon
that is your body.

it falls awakens, falls away, i mourn the pieces as she
unfolds in wetness and moves in newness and

forgets the birth.